I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
