I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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