Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
