he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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