Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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