Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
