2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
