The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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