im holly from the hills drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
