White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
