OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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