Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
