Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i believe in u and ur pee
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
