nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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