I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
