i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
