shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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