Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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