If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
