I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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