my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
