Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
