Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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