I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
