Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
