the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
