So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
