meet me or not, i'm out of control
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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