omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize