i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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