How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
