btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Every concussion has its silver lining
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
