Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
