i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
