you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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