How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
