Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
