I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
