my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Floor bacon is actually really good
This toilet bowl is my home.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
