i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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