Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
