So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
