shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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