I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
