Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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