We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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