She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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