I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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