Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
