They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
