I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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