goodnight i made you a song goodbye
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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