So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
