I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
