Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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