Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
