i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
