now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
