just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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