We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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