im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
