Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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