If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
