Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
