I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
