If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Randomize
