i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
