you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My life is pants optional.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
