I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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