I wanna passion pit in your ass
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
